i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday