Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.