A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it