I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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