Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously

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(281): I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously http://tfl.nu/rnuw

Replies (9) Good night (614) Bad night (1029)
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(530): View more from California

shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

(1-530): View more from California

just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

(530): View more from California

yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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(530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl

Replies (44) Good night (1010) Bad night (4939)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?

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(732): last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night? http://tfl.nu/rkjl

Replies (9) Good night (3506) Bad night (844)
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(804): View more from Virginia

dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck

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(804): dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck http://tfl.nu/zlj8

Replies (46) Good night (1231) Bad night (7293)
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(214): View more from Texas

she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm

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(214): she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm http://tfl.nu/qx0o

Replies (8) Good night (3064) Bad night (1755)
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(509): View more from Washington

Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.

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(509): Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad. http://tfl.nu/dn7l

Replies (11) Good night (2089) Bad night (1410)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.

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(715): I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today. http://tfl.nu/aa1v

Replies (23) Good night (5280) Bad night (880)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.

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(715): She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee. http://tfl.nu/wutx

Replies (7) Good night (1741) Bad night (912)
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(415): View more from California

Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.

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(415): Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces. http://tfl.nu/n65u

Replies (4) Good night (557) Bad night (1315)
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(540): View more from Virginia

He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.

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(540): He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad. http://tfl.nu/cg55

Replies (4) Good night (1414) Bad night (509)
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(386): View more from Florida

Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".

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(386): Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant". http://tfl.nu/zn3b

Replies (20) Good night (2387) Bad night (2034)
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(719): View more from Colorado

he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong

(813): View more from Florida

Thats admirable.

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(719): he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong (813): Thats admirable. http://tfl.nu/7e4g

Replies (7) Good night (1386) Bad night (670)
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(727): View more from Florida

I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.

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(727): I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly. http://tfl.nu/hgem

Replies (6) Good night (1475) Bad night (269)
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(585): View more from New York

Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you

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(585): Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you http://tfl.nu/q75w

Replies (6) Good night (309) Bad night (704)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The paramedics were not my fault this time.

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(832): The paramedics were not my fault this time. http://tfl.nu/w1jf

Replies (2) Good night (524) Bad night (249)

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