Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Are you trying to threaten my boobs?

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(208): View more from Idaho

I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.

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(631): View more from New York

Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(630): View more from Illinois

He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".

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(251): View more from Alabama

Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.

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(406): View more from Montana

Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!

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