I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(