am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
