Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

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  (402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card. http://tfl.nu/3ttc
  Replies (39) Good night (1617) Bad night (4991)
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  (949): View more from California

  Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone

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  (949): Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone http://tfl.nu/p93a
  Replies (11) Good night (2698) Bad night (688)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.

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  (850): Miracle whip is the devil's jizz. http://tfl.nu/kavw
  Replies (16) Good night (1581) Bad night (2002)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.

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  (201): you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful. http://tfl.nu/ngce
  Replies (10) Good night (10277) Bad night (744)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand

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  (804): It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand http://tfl.nu/mvz9
  Replies (2) Good night (901) Bad night (2448)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

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  (480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic http://tfl.nu/3cem
  Replies (94) Good night (9023) Bad night (2212)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.

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  (469): You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that. http://tfl.nu/9raa
  Replies (12) Good night (5658) Bad night (812)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

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  (309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday. http://tfl.nu/j6eg
  Replies (8) Good night (5467) Bad night (900)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?

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  (443): I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch? http://tfl.nu/v0c3
  Replies (17) Good night (4586) Bad night (958)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?

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  (217): I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet? http://tfl.nu/vpwn
  Replies (9) Good night (1565) Bad night (599)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?

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  (412): my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush? http://tfl.nu/kyl4
  Replies (3) Good night (856) Bad night (482)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.

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  (301): Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you. http://tfl.nu/00du
  Replies (1) Good night (448) Bad night (751)
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  (310): View more from California

  Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?

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  (310): Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH? http://tfl.nu/yzjc
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (366)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me

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  (+44): Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me http://tfl.nu/vnu7
  Replies (1) Good night (327) Bad night (445)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.

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  (717): I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn. http://tfl.nu/r03i
  Replies (3) Good night (398) Bad night (259)

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