I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.