She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
