we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood