god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
