Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You're like the curious george of whores
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
