I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm both gender and math confused
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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