I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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