And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
do herpes really smell.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
