I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
