I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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