I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
