i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
