she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
