i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
