He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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