Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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