i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
