well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
