I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
