Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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