did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
