you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
