My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
