I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
