Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
