you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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