When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
