just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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