jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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