So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
