There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I did not marry a roomba.
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