I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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