Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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