I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
