don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
