I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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