I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
