Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
