I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
