You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want to make out with him forever
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
