spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
