Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
