proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
zippers are such a cool invention
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
