had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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