feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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