Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
