3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
