i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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