dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
