i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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