Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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