Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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