I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
