we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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