i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
