I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
