He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
