Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
