All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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