Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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