it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
