I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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