My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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