I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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