If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
