Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
