The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
