so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Boobs speak an international language.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
