a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
