I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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