3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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