My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
