I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
