I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
