We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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