just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bring me that man meat
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
