apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
